If

I heard this poem at a leaving do which I rather liked. The author did also give a fulsome apology to Kipling for nicking his masterpiece as a basis:) It might broadly be seen as an ode to the crap Trade Union reps put up with on a daily basis and the destruction of individual styles and thoughts by the endless targets, reviews performance indicators etc that the public sector works under. Welcome to the world of (?) If you recognise the description is it your borough or just one similar ;)

If you can get your managers from British Gas
And Care not what others think
If you can trust yourself when all others doubt
And find new depths in which to sink

If you can turn to an agency at 50 pounds an hour
To hire someone to tickle your balls and stroke your hair
And to do this in an office with glass walls
And act like its completely normal to have them there

If you can talk to the union as if you were their friend
And conduct mock consultations on matters long since decided
If you treat the truth as something for you to bend
And act like its god by whom your guided

If you can start a restructure before the fallout from the last one has touched the ground
And delete jobs at will as if they were numbers not persons
If you can save a measly pound by any means
And really not notice that staff morale worsens

If you think its ok to know virtually nothing of the field in which you work
And never bother to learn
If you can act like everyone else is berserk
For expressing even the slightest concern

If you can lie with a smile and sneer for a living
And demand intrusive monitoring of the sick
If you can forget that Christmas is a time for giving
And favour those who will suck your..toes

If you can worship at the alter of Performance Indicators
And Parrot Jargon that you pretend to understand
If you insist on the terminology of business
And not that of a service offering a helping hand

If there are problems that you can't hide
But you never once feel shame
If you can take all these things in your stride
And Simply find someone else to blame

If you can do these things and hold your head up high
And Act like its a barrel of fun
And never pause to wonder why
You'll be the boss my son.